That just happened…? Fuck

Why did I ever think that it was okay to start caring for other people?
In fact, I’m much better off just being that bastard who doesn’t give a shit about anything. 

These people out here, they don’t care about you..they’ll kill you.

I sat in my room thinking, while talking to this wonderful girl via facetime, thinking…maybe it’s better if we stop talking to each other and not see each other after today.  This is me feeling down about her and her “on and off” boyfriend.
Turns out, I feel like complete shit the next day and pretty much could not handle it.  
so, I break up this silence…”Why can’t I fucking do this?”
I hope I don’t fuck this all up.

She did tell me that she misses me today <3, and it brightened up my day a lot.  I think we both don’t want to lose each other, but she also can’t let go of her asshole boyfriend or whatever they are.  I really want this, and I’m going to go for it.  I just need to keep being myself, keep being the better guy and keep being there for her.  Tommy you are a fucking idiot and get a hold of yourself you know all of this stuff.  You know she is pretty damn into you and you know that you’ve pretty much reached a wall.  Be patient.

Now…..I know I’m stupid like really stupid when it comes to this stuff, but here’s some advice for just about anything

Be honest with yourself and don’t second guess yourself.  If things are meant to be; it will in turn, fall in place for you.  If it isn’t well maybe you haven’t tried hard enough for this “balance/greater being” to realize that you have earned it.  Don’t get me wrong, if life was simple I would just sit back and relax.  Earn your right and pay your dues, eventually things will turn up is all I’m saying.  

Last words for this post.
“Keep strong Thomas” 

Its pretty weird how 1 person can make you go crazy.  whether if you can’t stop thinking about them, how incredibly bad you miss this person, how much you talk to this person, how much you see this person.  There’s something about them you can’t hold yourself back from.  Or maybe that’s just me. o.O

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Corinthians 13:4-7

Please don’t anyone contact me, I’m currently away telling everyone to fuck off.
don’t fucking ask me how I’m doing or what you want to know. I will fucking hate you. 

After all my hard work and effort…I got her to finally say that she likes me.

She told me that I’m very real, and the only thing she doesn’t like about me is that “I said I don’t want to be (friends)”.

Be honest, I told myself…no matter how hard it is. Just be honest with yourself.  
I have been honest from the beginning and I’m glad she realizes that in me.  She asked me why I like her so much?  And from my answer….she was surprised by it.
She has never heard anyone tell her what I’ve said to her before.  Most guys have told her that they like her because she’s cute/funny/or they are attracted to her.  To my surprise…I was wondering, how to do you just like someone just from the surface?

Now my answer, was….
 ”From all the girls I’ve ever liked, there was always an uneasy/unsure feeling when I would be with them.  However, when I’m with her, it just feels right.  Everything comes out naturally, and I’m comfortable when I’m around her.  I get excited when I get to speak to her and she makes me feel happy all the time.”  

She replied back with “…..you just made me have butterflies in my stomach.”

SO damn much I could go on about, but if things don’t work out.  I don’t know what I’d do.